A pat on the back

It's 2am and I'm wide awake.  Want to know why?  Well, you're reading this so I assume you do.  A few weeks ago I really made the effort to step myself down gradually and eventually get rid of my caffeine addiction altogether.  Two days ago I succeeded in drinking nothing more caffeinated than decaf "Donut Shop" coffee that my stepmom gave me. 

Tonight I hung out with Julia, a wacky fun former army brat with a lot of travels, swearing, and life experience under her sleeve.  We went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner and to a pub later on.  I did my best to be good.  Flush with my success earlier this week and motivated not to screw it up, I ordered the vegetarian fajitas and didn't eat all of it. To drink (at the restaurant and at the pub) I only had a diet Coke. 

We had fun, though at her mildest Julia about matches my wildest.  We just seem to run in different circles.  However, we did have quite a good time.  Also, even though I had more than a few chips (crisps), and the flour tortillas and cheese added to the points value of the fajitas, I am rather proud of myself.  Go me! 

Now if I could just wind down after two and a half (caffeinated) drinks...

Stress, frustration, and eating

*whine alert* for pretty much this whole post, btw…

Some weird things happened to me yesterday, or really the past week, and they all seemed to be conspiring to make me emotional.  Tuesday we did the Meta meditation, basically trying to cultivate in ourselves a respect for all beings, no matter what form (or, in my mind, no matter what mental problems, attitude, infirmity, or disability).  Then yesterday I slept in and didn't get in a bike ride before heading to the SIX HOURS of HR training.  It was all mostly about policies & procedures & precautions, but there was a portion that listed every individual's rights, autistic or not.  Basically the message was that these guys we're working with are human beings too and deserve us to treat them as such.  Also, they served pizza and pop for lunch, 19 points down the drain (and not even really worth it).  Then after work I watched an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition in which a family of nine (most kids adopted, most with special needs) had had their house destroyed in a hurricane and were all forced to be crammed into a trailer.  The youngest, the cutest little baby girl you've ever seen, had a permanent tracheotomy (-ostomy?  I forget… a breathing tube from her throat) because she was born without sinus passages and had some sort of lung disease.  She was SO CUTE and the family was all about loving children and caring for them, no matter what was wrong with them.  At the end of the episode, they had a photo montage and sad music - the little girl had died a couple months after the new house was built. 

Then I decided to sign up online for (paid) taste tests at a local health food company.   The questionnaire took forever and kept messing up, so by the time I finished (and they told me there was nothing currently available), I was late for the real paid study at the Business School.  I drove, but it didn't save me any time - three miles away, and it took me half an hour to get there, find the building, and park.  Luckily, the test proctor let me stay late and do an extra session. 

I say "luckily"…..

The test was purportedly about financial decisions.  They are clever!  First, they put $7 in front of me.  Then they asked me to write an essay about a time when I felt I had low status.  I wrote about last Saturday at the Dropoff, feeling absolutely clueless and helpless (and slightly worthless) as I battled to keep track of even one kid all day, and no real training under my belt.  That was when I got hit, things thrown at me, scratched, and was exposed to various gross bodily fluids…. AKA the little girl who likes to pull my hair then give kisses with her tongue out (and then tried to play in the toilet), or the little boy who spit a gobfull of greenish-brown mucous-y something into his hand and started to laugh at it hysterically.  Writing that essay just brought back all those bad feelings. 

Then they asked some questions, then they described a little girl in India who is not allowed to go to school, shunned by her family and community, and has no friends, all because she has a cleft palate.  I had to write an essay about how I would feel if I were her.  Obviously I got even more miserable by this essay.   Then they asked for a donation to a charity that sends doctors to countries like India to give free operations to little girls like the one described.  I gave them four of my hard-earned seven measly dollars. 

I left and headed straight to the bathroom.  That stupid study made me cry!

If it hadn't been for all the factors I described before, it wouldn't have been as bad.  I was frustrated, I hadn't exercised, I had eaten something if not "bad" then at least not good for me and didn't even want to, and I had spent quite a bit of time contemplating the human value of people with disabilities, especially children, especially the ones I care for who have autism.  I was a mess. 

But here's the worst part, and I don't even think I knew 100% that I was doing it at the time.  I think at the time I just blamed it on the high-point pizza.  Yesterday I ate 69 points worth of food.  Yeah, 19 of that was lunch, but the rest?  I think that was stress and emotion, even though I didn't acknowledge it at the time.   Thank goodness tracking has become such an ingrained habit - I did indeed track everything I ate, and I still even have a few weekly extras left over.  I didn't lose control.  But I am recognizing and somewhat preparing myself - when I'm stressed and emotional, I really go for the kitchen.

Who needs a gym? (when there isn't one to be found) :(

Well, ok, I exaggerate. There are many athletic facilities around, but each has its definite drawbacks.  Amy is interested in the pool and classes.  I'm definitely interested in them, but I'm more looking forward to a good weight room.  I'm convinced that strength training will get me through what regular aerobic exercise and stretching/toning haven't in the past.  Not that biking two hours a day hasn't shown its results (see previous weigh-in post!). 

Amy and I checked out a few rec rooms around the city.  The medical campus has a decently sized weight and treadmill room, but the class times are inconvenient and the fees expensive.  No pool.  Plus, we won't have access until we get our IDs.  The main campus has a FREE pool, but it's far, and every other part of it is kind of lame and inadequate.  The main campus to the south also has lame facilities and expensive and inconvenient classes.  Private gyms… well, you have to pay for them, and you pay what they ask.  Classes are extra.

Yeah, we're kind of discouraged. 

But still, I'm content enough right now to stick with what we have: sidewalks, bike trails, and yoga DVDs.  After the second week of August or so we should have our campus IDs, which will open more doors. 

I love my new bike

I have a "new" bike!

Of course, it's actually pretty old and sat in my mom's garage for like two years.  But I don't care - it's mine, and it's new to me.  My old bike, though perfectly adequate for regular riding (and the epitome of a rugged mountain bike), just didn't cut it out on the streets and paved paths of the parks.  It had small (diameter) tires (so I couldn't go very fast), shocks (nice, but that meant I couldn't attach a rear wheel carrier for carrying things), and there was no kickstand or drink carrier.  Also, the tires were really wide, which also kept slowing me down. 

My new bike is huge.  I'm talking six more inches of diameter on the wheels, narrow and road-appropriate tires, a more comfortable seat, and even a seal of road-worthy approval from the bike shop.  But the best parts were the additions I got today: a water bottle holder and a rear carrier!  Amy got a carrier installed for her bike too.  Once we attach a basket or milk crate, we'll be able to carry our backpacks, groceries, books, whatever we need, to and from everywhere. 

I'm in love.  I was giggling with glee as I rode back from the bike shop.  I can't wait to test it out (why do I have to do laundry when I could be biking!? - Oh yeah, because I have no clean clothes!)  Oh well, tomorrow I have planned an epic early-morning ride to the zoo, a leisurely stroll looking at the animals, and then another epic ride back.  I might even ride to campus, the bank, or the library later on!

I suppose the only drawback is that I won't be working so hard to ride everywhere (it's an easier, faster ride).  Oh well - the sheer fun of it will get me outside hour after hour!

Weigh-in… woah

Sorry about the whole not writing thing…  I think I was afraid to start up again.  I was really discouraged after my last weigh in three weeks ago, and then I was traveling for a week.  My scale stopped working, and without that constant reassurance I didn't feel confident.  Plus, I've been so busy!

City Museum, biking, exploring the city, shopping, unpacking, more biking, walking to the library or around campus… yikes!  And then before all that was my marathon trip home, moving, and the weekend in KC.  It's been pretty crazy.  And I'll have to have a separate post for City Museum simply because it was so amazing. 

Today I went to a meeting and weighed in for the first time since my (second) gain three weeks ago. 

But this time it was different...

I'm back… with a bang!  My new total weight loss since I joined WW last September is 41 pounds.  No, you are not hallucinating.  Yes, I did drop 9 pounds in three weeks, but I'm not surprised.  Like I said, I've been BUSY! 

So here it is, my validation.  This is my pat on the back.  This is the tangible reminder, the real sign that all the hard work really is paying off.  All the time I spend in grocery stores finding the lowest point-value foods, the complete change in eating, the exercise, all has been and will be worth it.  Congratulations to me!

And now, back to work!

Who needs a personal trainer? Just get a roommate!

Amy is great!  Not only did she bring her awesome wonderful funny personality into my life, she also brought a lot of necessary things for the apartment… like a table, or a microwave!  But not only that: she and I explored the park a little more (by bike) the other evening, and because she was leading, I ended up going about three times as far as I would have gone on my own.  I was utterly exhausted and my legs still hurt, but I had a blast. 

Then today I got up at 4 to fly to Iowa to begin the Great Move-My-Stuff-A-Thon.  I had three hours stuck in Chicago (and you know how much I hate that airport), but I stuck to my guns and didn't buy anything except a veggie tray and bottle of water.  I call that a definite win.  Too bad Mom and I got Chinese for lunch, but we can't win all the battles.  And here I am, sitting in a McDonald's in Mason City, IA, using their internet, and only having eaten a small salad.

Day one: check.  Progress: positive.  Days remaining: 6.  Bring it on. 

A challenge ahead

The coming week… will test my resolve.  To the max.  Moving my possessions will be a breeze compared to the challenge of (wait for it… dun dun DUN…) ROAD FOOD.

I'm flying to Iowa this Sunday, spending a couple nights with mom, then making a quick turnaround and driving about 10 hours to Dubuque and then St. Louis.  Nick will be along for the drive, and I know he'll want to stop at places that will test my ability to stay on plan.  Even when I survive that, the very next day I'm headed to Kansas City to spend three days with Brie, particularly for the HP 7 (part 2) premier. 

(*excited squeak*) 

So… food at home, food on the road, food at airports, and food and drink out with Brie. Oh boy.

But there were some tips in last week's WW Weekly, and I have a plan.  For vacation, you don't have to blow it completely.  Even if I can "go into a holding pattern" and maintain, I will call that a win.  Just because I'm home doesn't mean I have to eat every chip and cookie in the pantry, or a big bowl of mom's pasta.  On the road, even if we eat only at gas stations and fast food places, I won't order the worst thing on the menu - some places even have turkey burgers, salads, and grilled chicken.  Being on the road also means that I can take my own supplies - fruit, sandwiches, baby carrots, etc.  As for airports: there will be a packed lunch, and there will not be any purchases outside of necessity.  With Brie… well, I can drink a lot of water, do yoga with her, and try not to indulge too much.  After all, she understand what I'm doing, and simply being in her company will be fun enough - I don't have to overeat or drink a lot in order to have fun with my friend. 

Who needs a gym?

Who needs a gym when you have people moving in all around you?  Boxes, furniture, beds… all so heavy and needing to be carried into the building, up the elevator, and navigated around the corner in the hallway.  Amy moved in this week, and I helped Julia last week.  I spent two mornings doing nothing but carrying things and sweating a lot. 

I don't think I've ever been so sweaty as the two times (so far) I've helped people move their things.  I've also never felt better!  Is it endorphins?  That elusive natural chemical high?  Or is it the simple factor of two weeks of being alone and bored, and the prospect of seeing another person my age and in my program is so great that I'll have fun doing just about anything else? 

Eh, probably just the boredom.  :-)

Oh well.  I get a workout, I meet new people, I help them out, and I feel good for doing it.  It works. 

Hopefully there will be someone to help me out when I move the rest of my stuff (boxes, furniture, basically everything else except the bare minimum I'm living with now) next week.  My brother is coming along, but I hope we'll have some helping hands to make things a little easier. 

All full of excitement

 

By the way, I did get the job.  *SQUEE!*

I don't get to do a whole lot of "working" this entire month though.  Dang it.  All training, yet only 6 days total, at minimum wage.  Oh well, beggars can't be choosers.  Plus, none of the other jobs I applied for ever contacted me, so I really can't afford to complain. 

So yeah, I'm excited about that. 

Another thing I'm excited about: Amy is coming tomorrow!!!!!!  I'll have someone to talk to!  I'll have someone to walk and/or bike and/or watch telly with! 

And another thing I'm excited about: I get to move in (for good) next week!  I've rented the truck, and my brother even agreed to fly back to Iowa instead of driving the rental truck back.  In a convoluted fashion, that will actually save me some money.  Plus I'll have my stuff!

And yet another thing I'm excited about: one good thing about yesterday's disaster of a meeting was that I met Alex, who just moved into a place very close to Forest Park.  What a coincidence, I know!  So once we're settled at the end of next week, we will be workout buddies - particularly, walking and biking and exploring Forest Park! 

So yeah, I'm pretty excited about the days to come.

Weigh-in ... wtf?

I'm going to be at training during what will become my "normal" meeting time on Thursday, so I decided to go to a different meeting this morning. 

I thought I had done so well.  I walked a lot.  I rode my bike.  I did yoga (well, once).  I spent two hours moving extremely heavy furniture from a truck into a house.  I drank about 10 glasses of water a day.  I stayed within my daily and weekly points allowance and tracked every morsel.  I can't even blame it on my time of the month, since that's two weeks away.  I ate lean proteins, whole grains, and fruits and vegetables.  I only ate out once, and that meal (feta and spinach omelet with potato wedges) I didn't even finish!

I gained three pounds since Thursday evening.  WTF.

Possible scapegoats:

• Sodium.  I had a big bowl of salty popcorn last night, and I've been seasoning my food lately with soy sauce, ketchup, and of course salt.  Also, I discovered today that my package of "egg whites" has things like flavorings, onion powder, and SALT in it.  So does my "free" butter spray, with which I soaked more than a few pieces of toast and my popcorn.  A few of my vegetables are canned, which can have a lot of sodium.
• Jeans.  Last week I weighed in in lightweight khakis, but today I wore jean capris.  It makes me wonder if that could make one (or two?) pounds of difference. 
• Onions? Lena, who has been following the Thrive diet, says that onions are metabolized the same way as sugar.  In the last three days I've finished off one and a half large onions.  Seasoned with salt, of course.
• Time of day?  After all, I only weighed in last time four and a half days ago… ?

At any rate, I'm not giving up.  I'm discouraged, yes.  Very.  But I'm not giving up. 

My plan: Keep doing what I'm doing, except more vigorous, more deliberate exercise - fewer leisurely walks, more bike rides or fast walks through the park.  Yoga more often - and more than just one 20-minute session.  Also, less sodium. 

Weigh-in Wonders

 

(make-up post for last Thursday… this week's weigh-in will actually be tomorrow!)

I was gone a month, did a lot of traveling, indulged, and then worked really hard for a week.  The result?  I weighed in only .8lbs heavier than the last time I was at a meeting.  NOT BAD!   Considering the last 2 times I "took a break" from weight watchers, I gained over 10lbs each time.  I was miserable and felt guilty, like a failure. 

But this is not something from which I can take a break.  I've said it before, but I have to keep saying it.  This is my lifestyle, not a diet.  I am truly, 100%, in this for my whole life.  Because it will change  - no, define  -  my life.

And guess what: next week's weigh-in will be even better.  Bring it on!