I took step five
last week. As in, I first completed a
"searching and fearless moral inventory" to help me identify
the" core character defects" that
are at the heart of why I eat. I
then "Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact
nature of [my] wrongs."
Oh the feels.
 |
| All of the above. AT ONCE. |
Step five is a painful but
apparently necessary part of a 12-step program.
I trusted the program enough to take the leap.
By sharing, I aired those events and actions in my past that made me set
myself apart from people, ending my self-imposed isolation in a radical
way. I learned more than I ever have
about acceptance and trust. I originally planned
to talk to my sponsor, but three massive weekend storms prevented that, and I
didn't want to wait any longer. I asked the flustered local parish priest (who knows very little about
any 12-step programs, let alone anything about OA) to listen.
The crazy part was
that in the end, the actual telling wasn't even a big deal. So I've made mistakes. So I've done stupid, selfish, and dishonest
things out of fear and pride and wanting to feel in control. So have a lot of other people. The part that was
even better? The process of explaining
to someone who hasn't lived this life (the roller coaster of feelings that are so out of control
that you become a slave to [insert addiction here])forced me to articulate in
simple and straightforward terms why I needed this program and how it is helping me. As my sponsor later said to me, "Isn't
it weird how sometimes the things you say are exactly what you needed to
hear?"
In explaining the
program to him, I explained to myself that OA is helping me put food back in
its proper place. From the beginning, my food plan has been to eat three meals a day with LIFE in between; that purpose is more real to me than ever. Food had once become my
God, the thing around which I centered my life. Without a real, healthy anchor for my life, I
went spinning out of control. Now I can
put God back at the center. Now I can
get back on my way Home.
